T̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ To say, what to say, how to say

#192 | Uncomfortable spaces

As an introvert, I’m often told “communicate better”. Such brilliant advice telling introverts to “communicate better”. It’s not like we introverts have our own unique communication preferences and needs or anything. No, we need to magically transform into extroverts and start dominating every social situation with our sparkling personalities and witty banter. 

Now in my specific instance – let’s top this with a cherry and add being a people pleaser to this sundae. It’s the best, isn’t it? I mean, why have any wants and needs when I can spend all my time catering to the whims of others? It’s not like my happiness and well-being matter at all, right?

I end up feeling exhausted, anxious, and resentful all the time, but at least I have the satisfaction of knowing everyone else is happy with me. 

Wondering why this JOT sounds like a dear Diary rant.  Well, it kinda is. I recently had an unpleasant experience with someone who exploited my physical boundaries. Luckily I got out of the situation with “minimum” harm. I don’t need real enemies – I have myself for that. I began self-sabotaging – going back to every minute detail to trace what I could have done differently to avoid this.

The worst came from people I least expected. And while I know they didn’t mean harm, their words hurt more than the actual ordeal. From, did you communicate properly to why do you always have to be nice to people to it’s not a big deal, every statement made me question myself.

Luckily for me, the internet’s wastelands have much to offer, and my JOT for today is to share the spoils with you.

To start, a few strangers across the globe talking about sexual harm in your social circle. It tackles the age-old question of how to respond to those pesky harassment deniers. You know them – the people who think that sexual  harassment is harmless fun or that victims are “overreacting.” 

Unladylike is a podcast on a mission to explore the world with an open mind, cultivate compassion for diverse perspectives and challenge the status quo. 

Next, a question on the Ask Women subreddit, “What’s your most uncomfortable experience with someone who ‘can’t take a hint?'” for some much-needed solidarity.

Finally, an article to forward to all the folks I couldn’t say STFU to their faces so they can learn what NOT to say when someone’s sharing their experience.

Lastly, to all my wallflower sisters  – I see you. It’s not on you if people can’t read the room or take a hint. It’s the world that needs to change. And if you want to vent, I am always here.

Yours,
Nikita